The Infinite

It's easy to take the most amazing parts of life for granted. Repetition and habit make most things seem a bit mundane, over time.

But I don't want my life to become mundane. Therefore, I regularly remind myself about how fucking amazing my life is.

What I've accomplished is miraculous. I was entirely without hope, but I gave this wacky brain hacking stuff a chance and I claimed my life bac. If I can accomplish this, what the fuck CAN'T I do? I can handle this shit, I've proven that.

I'm happy! Most of the time! :) Being happy a lot, well ... this is still pretty new for me. But how could i be anything other than happy, considering what my life is like right now? There aren't proper words to describe this change. My life is miraculous, amazing, infinite, brilliant and mind-bendingly transformed.

I'm amazed by where I'm living. This is a beautiful house, filled with awesome furniture (I have a fucking couch now! A brand new couch! A soft, padded thing filled with nasty petrochemical shit! And it's fucking COMFORTABLE). 

I have a real kitchen, where I can make awesome food for myself and my friends. I have a yard filled with amazing plants, a pond with a mini waterfall in the back yard, and my desk overlooks a chicken coop. I'm in the middle of a major city, within walking and biking distance to just about anything cool that happens in Austin.

I re-created part of my old book collection. I picked up copies of the books that held the most meaning for me. I don't feel so disconnected from my old life anymore -- I mean, can a man with a book about a guy who carries a towel everywhere be anything other than cool and well-collected? (I just went a long ways for a pretty lame Hitchhiker's Guide joke).

I printed up big photos to hang on my walls, reminding me of the amazing places I've traveled to over the past 18 months. And now I'm going to Hawaii for a month. And then I'm off to Mexico for a week. How fucking cool is this? I'm going to take even more photos, print them up, and plaster them all over my walls. My friends are going to get tired of seeing big-ass photos of all the awesome places I've been.

Did I mention friends? I spent 4 years living among the bears and wolves, but I somehow managed to cobble together a group of awesome friends here in Austin. I don't really know how I did it, the idea of 'making friends' was always really hard for me when I was younger. I just decided to open my home up for lots and lots of events. Eventually, I got to know some people well enough to call them friends. And now I have an amazing circle of friends here in Austin. I really don't have enough superlatives to describe this, without cheating by looking them up in a thesaurus! I've never had such numerous and strong friendships before, in my life. I feel humbled and blessed by this. (I'm not trying to diminish the value of my friends back in Minnesota. But when I think about how amazing my life is, it's these small moments hanging out with friends in Austin that really speak to something deep inside of me. For me, Austin is a city of transformation and embracing life -- I have so many amazing memories here).

Austin is awesome. The primal living  group, the Ishmael discussion group, Master Pancake, the greenbelts and parks, the restaurants, and the friendly attitude of the people who live here. I love the sunlight. It's all amazing. I neversaw myself leaving Minnesota, until it came time to find somewhere warm to live for the winter. But I've discovered that I genuinely love it here. My life is amazing, and living in Austin is a big part of that.

The feedback I'm getting from people is really heartening and inspiring. My friends have been a great source of information, sharing with me what they think others notice about me: my kindness, introspection, wisdom, and intelligence (I still have a hard time accepting this, to be honest. Is kindness really that rare? Do I actually have more wisdom than most people?). My writing is touching a few people too, and affecting them in a positive way (and hearing this from people boosts my energy into the stratosphere). I don't totally understand this, but I'm still inspired by it :) I'm just trying to do the right thing, understand the world around me, and have fun along the way!

There's so much more to list! But it all points to one fact: I'm happy. I'm happier than I've been since I was a little kid, living in Pemberton Minnesota. My life here in Austin is awesome.

While I was clawing my life back from the pit, I kept repeating a few words over and over. They were my motivation: I want to be healthy, I want to be happy, and I want to be free. I've accomplished all of this, and I've done it like a fucking pro.

My life is rich, and blessed, and infinitely joyful. I'm in awe of my life. And I never, ever want to let this feeling fade away.

Originally written on 2013-12-14