At its core, joy is simply the acceptance that happiness is your natural state of being. You don't have to strive for it, work for it, or 'earn' it. Joy is an innate part of being human.
However, the mind is very powerful and it's very good at distracting us from this truth. I've recently learned this the hard way, as I've allowed my lack of sleep (and stress over lack of sleep) to distract me from my joy.
A part of me didn't want to be 100% healthy, 100% well. A part of me has been threatened by the prospect of there being no more excuses -- if I'm 100% healed, then there's no more "I can do that soon" or "I'll be ready to do that tomorrow". When I'm 100% healed, then life suddenly becomes a lot more complex and (in some ways) intimidating!
A part of myself was actively resisting this joy. Some would call this part of myself the 'Ego', or some form of performance anxiety. I'm sure there are as many names, as there are clouds in the sky :)
I'm ready for the next part of this journey, which is accepting joy, and trying not to over-think it or over-analyze it.
Originally written on 2013-10-01